Saturday, October 8, 2011

Not Much New.....

Tonight (Saturday night) marks my 6th day on my diet. I am using HCG drops (sublingually under the tongue) and the first three days lets you eat as much as you want- so in reality it is day three....... :)
The drops have caused me to lose my appetite and I am having problems even eating the small amount of food that the diet calls for. It is a strict 500 calorie a day protocol for 60 days. Then you go off the drops for a month or two and then start again. I am presuming that it will take three rounds to get to a good weight. That is 180 days of dieting.
But.....if I could ride and run and feel good about how I look again it would be worth the 180 days. I have been overweight significantly since Kaity was about three years old. She is 18 now. That is 15 years....I sure wish that I would have found 180 days somewhere in that 15 years to get it together...
It is funny but in these past few days of dieting I think that my weight has been bothering me more than it ever has. I work at a day job where I could wear fun and fashionable clothes. And I do- I LOVE my wardrobe. But on Friday I put together an outfit that while I would certainly always would have known how much better it would have looked if I was thinner really bothered me to see when I looked in a mirror. It is as if I am actually realizing for the first time what i have done to myself.
Now understand- I have always realized how heavy and overweight I had become. But just in these past few days it has really hit me hard.
But in one month I will be going to South Carolina to play in a freestyle competition. I know that when I get there and put on my pirate and my phantom costumes that they will fit at least somewhat looser. And next March when we host our big competition there should be a visible difference from last March when I compete.
At this point I realize that it will be at least 40 or 50 pounds before anyone else notices a change. But hopefully I will start to feel the difference.
I am setting up a small private email group of diet buddies to help me cope. I want them to encourage me and to hold me accountable- and want to do the same for others.
Finally had rain today.......fall is really here. Soon it will be sweater and jacket weather. By spring when cropped pants and tee shirts come back out I hope that they will be a smaller size.
I hesitate to post my weight- I gained everything back and more...but I have always promised myself that it would something I would be upfront about. Last week when I weighed at work I was 298 pounds. A few more days without starting the diet and I probably would have headed right over the milestone of being a three hundred pound woman.

How did I do this to myself?

Laura

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