Friday, January 14, 2011

New Thoughts

I just cannot bring myself to post one more time on my fasting blogpost. To summarize- I used to be thin. I used to be able to eat anything that I wanted to. I could get out of speeding tickets. Men were attracted to me. I could show horses and look good in breeches. I was a cheerleader. My family was alive and while we had our issues I could go home for the holidays. I had a job that I loved and a home that I was proud of.

Fast forward to now.....To summarize- I have none of these things anymore. But that is just the way that life works. Life changes and sometimes you can control it and sometimes you cannot. Life changes for all of us and we can deal with it or not.

For the past several years I have not dealt with it very well. I have appeared to take most of it in stride- but inside I was dying a bit every single day. And eventually the dead Laura took over the old Laurie and finally I just did not see how things were ever going to work out.

There are a lot of things that I still cannot control. My family is gone now and there is nothing that I can do about that. I will probably never get out of a speeding ticket again- but then I drive really slow now so I guess I have figured out how to control that. I work hard at my job and while it is not as much fun as my old job it pays the bills and I am grateful to have it and proud to do it the best that I can. I will never again be able to eat anything that I want...Well...I can- but the results are not very good. I do not know if I really care if men are attracted to me anymore- at my age that ship may have sailed no matter what- but I do know that I am ready to be a healthy weight for a lot of different reasons.

I am 12 days into the Daniel Fast. It ends at 21 days and I am only going to add a few things back in to my diet. Healthy eating needs to become my lifestyle for a lot of reasons and I need to find an eating program that gives me the chance to lose weight and that I feel I can live with for a lifetime. I think that I am now on my way.

I went on a binge during the holidays. 2009 was the first Christmas since I had lost both my parents and my younger brother and I think that I was still in a bit of shock that everyone was gone but me. But this year it really hit home. I did not want Kaity to know how I was feeling so I hid it really well by celebrating with her, putting up the tree and the decorations and pretending that everything was fine. But I ate and ate and ate and ate and ate.

Thankfully our church was starting this fast right after the first of the year. It has afforded me to getting back on track. And I feel a lot better today than I did 13 days ago. Imagine- just 12 days of healthy eating and you can actually feel physically better.

It is funny- just the other day I was looking at myself in the mirror and it was as if I was looking at a stranger. It was a shock to see what I have allowed to let myself deteriorate to over these years. I would never ever ever have expected that I would become this person physically. How could this be?

But I can fix this. It will take a long time- but it took a longer time to get here. A year from now I hope to look into the mirror and once again recognize the person looking back.

Monday, January 3, 2011

First Day of the Fast

Today is the first day of a 21 day Daniel fast that has been requested by our church. All of the members have been asked to join in. It is primarily fruits and veggies with a few other items (such as brown rice and whole wheat tortillas) also allowed. Mostly just water to drink, along with fruit juices. I will probably just add a splash of fruit juice to my water.
today's food journal-

4 tangerines
1 apple
2 bananas
2 cups brown rice
2 small russet potatoes

Lots of water w/about 1/2 cup orange juice included

Second Day of fast- not too bad so far, I picked up some cashews (and actually felt a bit guilty eating them because I like them so much). A bit of a headache tonight- but that could easily be sugar withdrawal...... I do feel less full than normal...

today's food journal-

2 small baked potatoes w/salsa
3 bananas (will probably eat one more later)
1 cup brown rice with peas added
1/3 cup cashews

Lots of water today w/o fruit juice added.

Hopefully the rest of the days will be this easy and then I will be kick started into a new healthy way of eating. Using food for fuel instead of for pleasure!

Third day complete. A bit of a low grade headache today. I have been looking for a part time day job to supplement my income and I have had two interviews this week. I was worried a bit because this headache started the second day and so both of the interviews were (very) slightly compromised by the (very) slight pain in the front of my head. I am sure that this is the detox phase from sugar that I have heard about and it is not wonder with all of the poison that I regularly put into my body that it is responding with physical symptoms. Last night I went over to my friend Lisa's house for dinner and afterwards sat and talked with her mom and aunt whom I adore. Was yawning by ten pm and came home but then could not get to sleep until almost 3 am. No matter what time I go to sleep I still have to be up by six for Kaity and to let the puppers out- so hopefully I can catch a nap before I go back to work tonight. Then I have the weekend to regroup and by then this detox phase should be complete. I do have to say that I am not very hungry at this point though. Much much easier for me than a strict low carb diet that focuses on proteins like meat, eggs and cheeses.

Today's food journal-

3 bananas
3 tangerines
1/2 cup cashews
1/2 cup brown rice w/peas
2 wheat tortillas
1 cup sauteed veggies (over at Lisa's).

Missed a couple of days posting- but stayed true to the diet. Lots of withdrawals going on, I would guess from refined sugar and flour and fried food. Probably also from filet o fish and french fries and pizza too- but those are more emotional than physical.
Low grade headache for the past couple of days and just a sort of light headed feeling. Also- I have noticed that my face appears a bit flushed- perhaps that is just another way of flushing the toxins, or perhaps it is increased circulation.
Going to dog training today and then for some grocery shopping. Cashews are my downfall right now!

Yesterday's food journal-

1 cup cashews
2 medium baked potatoes w/salsa
2 tangerines
1 apple
lots of water

It is now Sunday night. I have made it through the first week and the withdrawal symptoms all seem to be gone. Mixed some jalapeno juice with refried beans and brown rice today, smashed up an avocado to add to it and ate two burritos. Not exactly Taco Cabana quality- but they really were not too bad. Feeling pretty good about the next two weeks!

Todays food journal-

3 bananas
1 apple
2 burritos
Lots of water